School of Christian Leadership (SOCL) 2021

Prior to SOCL, my summer break had been a season of much growth and stretching. I was constantly challenged to step into deeper waters with courage and faith, and my heart was expanded by the Lord to serve Him and His people. In my pride of seeing my growth, I thought I had already shared a close relationship with the Lord and was living a life which He has called me to live. I started to settle for mediocrity in pursuing the Lord, seeking Him mostly in moments when I needed Him, for feelings of comfort and security.

Stepping into SOCL, I felt unprepared and unready to serve in an online retreat. Unknowingly, my heart limited ways in which the Lord could work through me and through the online platform. I was constantly prompted to surrender my expectations and control of what the retreat will look like in my eyes and move to humble reliance on His graces while serving Him. I was invited to trust that the Lord is doing a new thing for me during SOCL. As the Lord continued to unveil areas of my heart which were still wounded, He revealed a memory of the past which continued to speak lies over my worth and my identity. I had started to believe in those voices which call me unworthy for the mistake that I made. I was left feeling very ashamed of the way I had led my life. Yet, I was afraid of being vulnerable and coming close to the Lord, for the fear that I would be unloved and rejected by Him. During the inner healing, I was tempted to run away with my fears and suppress the emotions that came up. But by the Lord’s grace and courage, I revisited the memory and was prompted to look at it through the lens of God. 

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As I recalled what happened, the Lord’s voice reigned louder than all the lies which I had been listening to, and He gently told me that I was not at fault for what had happened. He also showed me that He was present and fighting for me at that very moment. He was protecting me, as a Father would for His beloved daughter. The Lord invited me to lay down the blame that I had put on myself and the shame that was weighing me down, for by His wounds and by His cross, I am set free. My past and my mistakes will no longer have a hold over my heart and who the Lord says I am. Faithful He has been, and faithful He will be, He continues to remind me that He is a trustworthy God who I can be vulnerable with and turn to, a Father who desires to protect me all the days of my life. I claim that I am safely held and embraced in His arms, unconditionally loved by Him. There is no lie too small that I cannot bring to Him, that He will not speak truth into, and there is no wound too deep that I cannot bring to Him, that He will not heal and restore. I am reminded that the Lord desires me wholly and completely, even in my messiness, even in my littleness, He wants nothing more from me.

Stepping out of SOCL, I desire to declare the Lordship of Jesus in every area of my life. I recognise that this journey that I’m embarking on, requires an active choice to seek the Lord and be confident that I will surely find Him, the treasure of my life. And in the same way, I also claim that I am very much treasured by the Lord, as His beloved daughter. My dear brothers and sisters, have you found the treasure of your life and how will you continue to cherish Him?